So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
