I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
