Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
