I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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