I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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