Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
