I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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