Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
