He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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