He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When are your genitals available?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
