Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
