You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
