Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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