what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
even my farts smell like vagina
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
