you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
