Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Less talking, more tequila
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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