Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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