we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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