Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
