thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
