Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
