meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
