What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
