Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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