I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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