so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
