The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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