maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
