yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Send help, water and tortillas.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
