Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
