and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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