All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
