I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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