Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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