then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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