Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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