i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
