Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish you could order shots online.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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