I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
