I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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