I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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