I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
