i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
