first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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