you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
