So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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