i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
