sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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