you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
