Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
