Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
