She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize