Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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