well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
