I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
