I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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