I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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