you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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