I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
