I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
