I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
