youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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