The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
someone threw a dead crab at me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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