Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
