Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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