But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
