You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
